Unloved.

I called it love when you didn’t call. There must have been a reason I couldn’t get through at all.

I called it love when you convinced me why my feelings were wrong. I believed I was being silly all along. 

I called it love when I forgave you each and every time…I didn’t want to give up on love when I was sure you were mine. 

I believed love was battling through storms and coming out on the other side. That love was always going to bend your spine. I believed love was letting you batter me until I could fix you. I thought love was a blustering storm you held hands through. 

I don’t believe in love like that, now. I don’t believe that he couldn’t call. I don’t believe you’re supposed to always fight and rage; that someone has to fall. 

I don’t believe that love has to be an unkind war that I have to be passive for. 

I don’t believe in love where I always have to defend who I am and who I’m not. It’s not love when he takes everything I have got. 

I don’t generate like a battery that doesn’t need to be charged again. You depleted me and never plugged me in. You took and you leeched and I let you get the best of me…because I used to think that was love. 

I know better now. It’s not that love isn’t enough, it’s that you don’t love anyone at all. You’ll never know how. 

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7 thoughts on “Unloved.

    1. I love your optimism haha. What I’ve always struggled with is how much do you fight for someone before you stop? How much do i fight when they don’t fight at all? These big grandiose gestures of fighting for someone seem like a song or a fairytale but when you’re living it it isn’t as romantic. It’s not how love should be and I shouldn’t have to swim against a current all the time to prove I’m worthy of love……
      rant over.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. How much you fight for someone before you stop… right up to the point you start losing yourself. When they don’t fight at all? Well, once you wake up, you don’t fight either. I should know.

        It’s not that it should be easy all the time. It’s that the same mistakes and troubles shouldn’t keep repeating. Not that it’s not a struggle sometimes. It’s that you’re both struggling together, because your relationship is more important that that stupid thing you’re currently fighting about.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Amazing! Your writing is intimate and intense honest and raw:) you are already healing your words say that! Just by knowing you were worth more then what this person could give you. 💜💞💜

    Liked by 1 person

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