I am my own hero, by the way. 

There’s a song by Ana Nalik, one that probably all of you know. The 2AM song. It has spoken to me. Deeply. I can’t get one of the verses out of my head lately, “2AM and I’m still awake writing a song…if I get it all down on paper it’s no longer inside of me,threatening the life it belongs to.”

This is why I write. I don’t write to be read, I don’t write to get back at someone who won’t matter in a month from now. I don’t write out of spite. I don’t write out of malice. I don’t write for you to read it and feed from me

I write because it chokes me. The feelings and words constrict my throat and fill my airways until I can’t breath. I must write. I will implode with a lack of oxygen if I don’t get it out my head and on to paper. 

I know that people are reading it to gain joy from my heart aches. I know that. I will still write. I write for me; for my sanity. I’m naked here and I think true writers feel the same in that aspect. I stand naked in front of rooms of art students all the time….this kind of naked is so much more bare than being in front of those students. 

I know certain people are rooting for my failures. I can see them in my stats. But I can be naked in front of your crowds and feel strong. I can tell my mother everything I’ve done and not feel ashamed. I write for me. 

And I feel like I’m naked in front of a crowd ’cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you’ll use them, however you want to.” 

Use my words however you want to. I’m the girl who stands figuratively and literally naked in front of a crowd.

 You can’t hurt me.  

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7 thoughts on “I am my own hero, by the way. 

  1. Your title, I said that to my husband just the other day, about a particular situation.
    And I agree with your second and third paragraphs, too.
    And I really love the connections I have made because of it all. A very lovely surprise. I started on WP in the hopes of that, but had no expectations. It has far exceeded all of that. And reading wonderful writers like you, has honestly brought nothing but joy! Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly. This is such a supportive place. Hence, this post. Had someone start a blog just to say ugly things about me and I refuse to read it. This is my happy place and I won’t let it ruin why I write. So thankful for people like you here 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I write for different reasons. Often driven because of some political issue that eats me up. Sometimes I write because I need to get over a block, so I force myself to create something out of a subject that I am not confident will work for me. Both situations work. The second usually makes me happier and produces a gentler, often surprising, result: “Hey, I made something I like out of that!” And, like you, I do not write posts for the approval of others, but am always pleased when someone likes the product. So thanks for liking what I wrote about Pluto. I am a huge fan of the incomparable Bob Marley, but felt that this talented, Caribbean, relatively unsung hero, and the uniqueness of the Jamaican language, deserved some appreciative attention.

    Liked by 1 person

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