There’s a song by Ana Nalik, one that probably all of you know. The 2AM song. It has spoken to me. Deeply. I can’t get one of the verses out of my head lately, “2AM and I’m still awake writing a song…if I get it all down on paper it’s no longer inside of me,threatening the life it belongs to.”
This is why I write. I don’t write to be read, I don’t write to get back at someone who won’t matter in a month from now. I don’t write out of spite. I don’t write out of malice. I don’t write for you to read it and feed from me.
I write because it chokes me. The feelings and words constrict my throat and fill my airways until I can’t breath. I must write. I will implode with a lack of oxygen if I don’t get it out my head and on to paper.
I know that people are reading it to gain joy from my heart aches. I know that. I will still write. I write for me; for my sanity. I’m naked here and I think true writers feel the same in that aspect. I stand naked in front of rooms of art students all the time….this kind of naked is so much more bare than being in front of those students.
I know certain people are rooting for my failures. I can see them in my stats. But I can be naked in front of your crowds and feel strong. I can tell my mother everything I’ve done and not feel ashamed. I write for me.
“And I feel like I’m naked in front of a crowd ’cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you’ll use them, however you want to.”
Use my words however you want to. I’m the girl who stands figuratively and literally naked in front of a crowd.
You can’t hurt me.