Don’t quit.

You cup my face in your gentle hands, tell me you love me, kiss me, hold me, and let me slip away in hour glass sands.

You say I put your feelings into words in a way nobody else ever could. You need me and I’ll be there because that’s how first aid kits work.

I’m your band aid when you think you’re hurt. You love me but you don’t know how to fight and make us work.

You scrape your knees and come crying to me. You breathe me in and forget your pain. You kiss me and forget her name…I’m your pain killer; your methamphetamine. 

You can’t quit what you’re addicted to and you will always need a hit. I am in love with a drug addict and I am the drugs. I don’t want you to ever quit. 

Your green eyes tell me they need me. They quietly show the pain and the sting of all the losses you have seen. I am your drug and you will never quit me. 

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20 thoughts on “Don’t quit.

  1. This is outstanding, moving but also very energetic and punchy. Loving it as a poem but also for its meaning which is so real I just want to hand you my pen and have you write the rest…oh…look at that…I fell in too. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  2. SLA is pretty horrible. Don’t think people realize how its just as powerful as any other addiction. I haven’t ‘used’ in 6 months, really hate terming it as ‘using’, but its still an addiction. Over those 6 months, I made love once. It was natural, and wasn’t desperate or forced. Since my first ‘usage’ when I was 19 hadn’t been able to go longer than 2 weeks without ‘using’. Needed cuddling, kissing, or comfort and couldn’t feel it any other way. My false identity of an SLA depended on it. Maybe one day I’ll share my full story in a post. Think its too much to disclose though, and I’m sure there are people on here who suffer from it or are abused by people who do.

    I feel it would be so much easier to talk about recovering from alcoholism than recovering from SLA. Its just so personal and I feel in a lot of my posts I want to share so badly, but I just can’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Went and scrolled through pages on my old cluster fuck blog to find this. http://shooich.tumblr.com/post/25350406912/stream-of-consciousness-33-amsterdam-drugs-women Pretty sad I met a girl I wanted to marry and turned her into a drug over a year 😦 Hopefully the fact I’ve reached a recovery state will allow me to actually have a better relationship in the future, and I can achieve the last paragraph of this blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think this is what a lot of single people struggle with. So any choose to settle to avoid any time alone that it normalizes unhappiness together. I miss my ex. Very much in love with him, if you didn’t notice, but I’d rather be alone than have a half assed relationship. I’ve learned to enjoy being alone and totally understand where you are/were. I think we’re navigating the same seas. Just know you’re not alone, my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I still love my ex too. I don’t think love ever dies once it’s accessed. I’m glad you’re holding out for something better this time around. Not to downplay your ex or anything, don’t know what happened and it’s none of my business, but I agree that a lot of people settle. I’ve dated other girls since her, but she’s given me a very good idea of what I want in a relationship. The girls you meet in Vegas and LA are pretty superficial, but maybe I went for the wrong ones, and maybe my desperation was transparent? Hopefully Barcelona will be different. In 2015 I dated a girl who I now consider one of my best friends, but we weren’t compatible to get more serious. Idk feel like there are a lot of layers to my problem. Sorry for the rant and hope that you feel better about what you’re going through. Hope we both do.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Dear Shooich,
    Thank you for finding your blog post from several years ago and sharing it with us again. I appreciate that you are and were willing to write a post that is very personal.
    Sincerely,
    Sam Sutlive.

    Liked by 2 people

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