I’ve never liked change. Ask my mother. The furniture must stay the same and touch the same walls. The smell of the detergent can’t be swapped for another.
I run away when I’m afraid I will break. I come back hoping things will have stayed the same. I close my eyes when the scenery is too much to take.
Why do you love the Fall? The leaves turn and die, they drift forgotten to the ground. Buried in snow where they don’t see sun, once they were pretty, now they are done. I don’t want seasons to turn. I want to pretend I haven’t learned.
I don’t wander lost in the world. I know exactly who I am. I’m not ready to be her… not ready to be that girl.
I don’t want to change or accept that you never will. I need to run away before it gets too real. I need to ignore the pulling in my core, to change, to rise, to be better than before.
I’m not ready to fight my nature, I’m not ready to change. I want the same skies and same blankets, I want the same blame. I want you to change for me so I don’t have to make all the mistakes the same.