I found my way back. I lost myself in search of you. You let me lose me.
I was happy on my sleeve and wanted forever on the surface…I know I never wanted always and I never wanted us three. I needed a bandaid from the wounds he had wrought. I needed to know I could be without him and you let me settle into complacency. You were never the long-lasting love I sought…
I guess we both used each other. I let you feel ok about drinking every night. I let you feel ok without having any ambitions beyond that basement. You let me feel ok with not seeking deeper waters. You kept my mind from wandering too close to old love letters.
You write to me when I know you’re with another. You reach for a wish that you were less of a babysitter and more of a father. We both used each other.
I’ve found my way back to me. Back to happy and whole and adventurous. Away from that prison I chained myself to. Away from the two demensional me you desperately wanted me to be.
I’m living with the glow of the sun on my face and shear happiness on my skin. I am free and you are not and this is a beautiful thing.