Derek.

Bits of summer nights began to end. The moon slips off her cover and the fireflies begin  to flicker and dim. He seems like 10 years ago. As if he wasn’t an August before I moved. As if he wasn’t the longest winter of my young life. As if he is still trying to come clean of his lies. 

Sunsets slip past me sometimes and I forget that you did too. That I’m grateful to have lost you. That I wished it wasn’t so soon. I wished I didn’t still write in the journal you got me but my memories weave better among those pages…your name in and out. My hatred comes in bouts. 

But tonight as the summer nights are cool and my head isn’t filled with “missing you” fog, I remember why I loved you most of all. How i loved you more than I’d loved another man. It’s because you were a boy dressed in falsity and knew just when to take my hand…but you were never a man. 

I had you when summer came around. Your green eyes drowned my thoughts. You were the beating in my veins. I’ve learned to live without you. Learned to play without games. I learned that pawns are for chess and that I can miss you but never take you back… I’ve never been in love like that.

I miss summer nights on porch swings and your fingers inside mine. I miss the memories of who I thought I knew. You perfectly set up the stage for me to always compare everyone to you.

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