Past blogs have brought to light that I have mostly male friends. Fact. I live with two of them. They took me in when I couldn’t afford my other place and gave me the master bedroom and bathroom AND moved everything in for me. I still have boxes strewn about and they haven’t complained once. I also have some amazing girlfriends who feed my soul and fuel my spark.
After a recent break up (in case the most recent blogs weren’t an indicator…) I have needed them more than ever.
Simply coming to my room to ask, “How ya doin’, bud?” and “It’ll be okay, broski” when they see me mope through the house mean more than they know. Sitting on my bed letting me vent and talk in circles is never too much for them. I am never too much a burden or too much drama for them to be there for me. I’m still their brother and that they accept me for who I am, all the time, not just when I’m fun.
I don’t know how many people have framily like I do. I consider myself more than lucky, like Fate knew that in my life I’d need pillars like my friends to keep me together. I couldn’t survive life without them.
I would think that having such close friends would be a positive aspect to a boyfriend or husband…that I am a good friend and because of that, others want to be good friends to me, as well. The company you keep reflects who you are as a person. I am proud of my reflection.
URGENT UPDATE: I LITERALLY just got asked by a man at the bank I work (yes, I’m writing at work), if I wanted to die alone?! Real life here. He asked why I don’t have a boyfriend or husband take me on a vacation and then since I replied that I am a “free woman and do not base my happiness on another person” he got flustered, apologized, and proceeded to tell me, “Ooooh you’re one of ‘those’” and he’ll “watch out for me next time”. Boom, bitch.
I was literally just told by a co-worker that my perception of a situation is key. She was right. This member who seems to feel that a woman cannot be happy without a man or a family is exactly the reason there is a mad scramble for women my age to go husband hunting! If your happiness depends on a person then you were never truly happy to begin with. That’s another “problem” with women like me is that it is scary for other people. Mainly men. My happiness is not dependant on anyone but myself. Period. Yes, I am sad. Yes, I am horribly hurt and betrayed, but I will not fold up and die. I will never die alone. I have a friends and family and will always be loved.
Even if he doesn’t love me anymore. I am loved.
I just needed to clear these thoughts up I’ve been drowning in here, as of late. I am sad, I can own that. But I am also happy because I know I’ll be ok and I know I’ll make it. I do not need a man to be happy. I know me and I know that I will be sorely and horribly missed.