If you want to know my sadness.

You want to hear hurt. You want to hear pain. You want to know I haven’t been able to speak your name–aloud. 

You want in my head to know the lines that are being kept–quiet. 

That I sleep in your shirt and cry myself to sleep, terrified that your smell will someday leave–me. 

And I can’t get it right in my head. And I can’t can’t get the thoughts untangled from my bed. Cause as I’m sleeping alone, with your memories and your ghost, afraid of the sun rising again. Oh, darling, everyday feels like you left me again. 

You need to know break. My heart in crumbles for you to take. Can you hear me in silence? Can you hear my wails? A broken ship fragmented through the gails–of a storm. 

This is my sadness, this is my downpour. This is my last shred of hope, battered like the hollows of my soul. 

Alone in my bed, I cant get the thoughts unraveled in my head. I can’t take off your shirt…but darling, oh, I can’t take not smelling you while I’m  hurt…wrapped up in this fake embrace. Wrapped up in my teared soaked face. Holding myself as close as you used to hold me.

Cause I’m sleeping alone, with your memories and your ghosts. I’m breaking apart, clawing at my heart– that I can’t rip from my chest…

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