The date with John and my shitty ex.

For those who haven’t noticed, my (ex) boyfriend has been cheating on me since day 1 of dating. Four months. Cool, right? Right.

As you can imagine, I’m incredibly hurt, jaded, homicidal, and over all feeling like the wind has been continuously knocked out of me. Also, cool. (Please note my sarcasm).

Went on a date tonight. First one since everything has unfolded. I’m meeting John (he doesn’t need a fake name because who could pick a more generic name?) at the coffee shop and then possibly going to his recording studio to jam. He plays, I sing, quite a duo.

We end up sitting at the coffee shop for over 3 hours.

We talked about everything imaginable. He has a million degrees in varying musical aspects. He is from Mexico but has Lebanese parents, speaks Spanish, English, and Arabic, and is incredibly sweet.

There were, however, no sparks. No chemistry that made me want to reach out and hold his hand or just attack his face with mine (which is familiar feeling when I’m on a date with someone I want)… And I had such a good time! It was so refreshing to speak with someone who had  more than half a brain that revolved around more than movie quotes, alcohol, or any semblance of lying. Who knew that dates were supposed to be about getting to know someone and feel something more than what was happening in one’s pants? Who knew you were supposed to enjoy their brain so much?

He is not “the one”. He is not even one of the ones. Getting to know this handsome and sweet guy (who walked me to my car, blocks away in the freezing cold) was what I needed. To open my perspective to someone who has only been in this country for 5 years and truly wanted to get to know me.

More dates like this are needed. Not just for me, but for everyone. Good conversation that carries on for hours without the need to make out to fill time is what humans need.

I feel lighter, somehow. I was treated like a human tonight. I have been treated like less than human, less than a soul for months now. The withered feeling of being unworthy and useless became mildly normal for me. John had an interest in who I am as a person. He had questions, deeper questions, thoughts and intrigues. He was a real man. I felt like a soul tonight.

My ex-sack-of-shit was not a real man. The most cowardly waste of space I’ve ever known.

John is a real man with ambition, wants, concerns, thoughts, manners, drive. He was kind.

Now I just need a tall, dark, and handsome “John” who I actually want to date.

I’m taking applications.

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