Coping with the single epidemic facing my generation.

***Caution: Extreme vulgarity and suggestive text to follow***

The internet has done it again.

Creeped on me enough to know I’m in my mid twenties, single, and childless. It can sense my shriveling ovaries and dust being expelled after every month proves I’m not pregnant, yet again. Sigh.  Ad after ad pops up in all the nooks and crannies of web pages, with blogs and articles suggesting how to remedy my problem or how other women are over coming this awful affliction they, too, face.

So, I thought I’d write about my own remedy. Maybe I’ll start popping up on my own pages if I use the words “alone”, “childless”, “single”, and “old” enough in the same articles and sentences. Here is how I cope with the shambles my life is as a single, 26 year old, who doesn’t even own her own car yet (I stress the word yet in hopes to give others hope).

Cure 1: The friends, family, and strangers who keep asking you “when are you going to find a man”, “don’t you want kids,” and “your clock is ticking,” need you to give them a strong glass of, “Go fuck yourself.”

Not a single friend or family member has acted as though I am deficient in anyway by living my life how I see fit. Me being happy makes them happy. I have never experienced this kind of negativity that other women bitch about…. That is because I don’t keep shitty people around me. Boom.

Cure 2: Don’t Give a Fuck. If you aren’t familiar with a don’t-give-a-fuck-attitude, this is the Cure for you. Are you happy with your life thus far? Then I strongly suggest continuing doing whatever it is that makes you happy. People who are bothered by you not settling for your high school sweet heart (“It slipped, I swear!” just doesn’t cut it in adulthood) then this attitude could really help you out. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks because your friends/family shouldn’t care about your womb:baby ratio unless you do.

Cure 3: Embrace your freedom. This is my favorite Cure, if I had to pick (I have a nice combo of all 3 going on). I love my nieces and nephew, I love that one of my sister’s is pregnant again! When I visit, I get to leave at some point. I don’t have to think about anyone but myself, right now, and it is great. I realize that this freedom won’t be forever because at some point I will have a family to think about. So for now, I am going to love the shit out of all the freedom I have and spend my money on experiences and myself.

Single, mid/late twenty women who are childless, and alone can be really happy. Did I get all those trigger words in that one sentence? I mean, really, I don’t think my sister could get away with feeding her family only ice cream and cheerios for 2 days straight like Aunt Natalie.

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