Today’s earlier post (more the comments than the post) has left me to a bit of self reflection. A friendship with mostly men. Why does it work out for me? Why do I prefer their company to the company of other girls?
Firstly, my utter honesty and sarcasm are not ill received with them. This is a big one. I can be rather offensive and these friends know better.
But I’m sitting here contemplating why it is that I find the company of women so exhausting and unsatisfying. Well here it is: I am an extremely emotional person. I fall hard, I am extremely excitable, I am a fire cracker. I write so I don’t explode and completely lose any semblance of my mind. I internalize my feelings and take my time to put them on paper so they no longer threaten me from the inside.
Other women, I have noticed, don’t always do this. They spill their feelings and talk until they diminish some of their own demons. Aloud. I am not an “aloud” kind of woman. I don’t need to verbally expel it to be okay, I merely need to throw up my hammock and take to my notebook.
Men aren’t like that. When I’m with them we talk about everything, but it moves on. No dwelling, no over-analyzing, just what is needed to be said and then left.
I have enough of my own thoughts consuming me that I do want to take on the tasks of others. I am constantly reeling inside. Whether something exciting or devastating, it is a torrential uproar in my head and I can’t take the addition of the storms of others.
Callous? Maybe. Selfish? Probably. But I know my limits and I know how to stay sane. I need the calm waters of my best friends, who happen to be men.
The sudden epiphany is that they are a replacement for a romantic relationship. Relationships are about balance. I don’t have a husband or a boyfriend, but I do have three friends who have always been constant and there for me. For a decade. I wouldn’t give them up, ever. I understand the need to adapt for new relationships, now. But I will never give them up.