Do we choose how we feel?
I was just told that we do. That internally is where we decide how someone can make us feel and react dependent on what they say. Or don’t say. I was also told that one can choose not to “deal” with it anymore, even if that doesn’t mean ending a friendship; it just means not dealing with berating or condescension.
So, as people, are we capable of choosing how we let things make us feel? Can we just flick a switch inside of us and say, “No big deal, I’m sure the person I care about didn’t mean XYZ”.
I think this is crap. Yes, when a stranger says something hurtful, it can be brushed aside and ignored. They do not know you, they do not care about you, they do not have a say in your life or how you live it. But the people who love you do. They can say things to tear you apart and have every capability to do so. Now, the trick is, can you “choose not to deal with it” and remain friends?
The fact that people can hurt you means you care about them. Choosing to ignore what people say and still be their friends or still allow them in your lives is cowardice. Nothing more. It is cowardly to not deal with what is right in front of you if it hurts you and still allow that person in your life. Cowardice controls so many aspects of confrontation that one might start to think it noble or brave to ignore a situation. Standing up for yourself can’t mean you hide from unfairness. That isn’t noble. And that isn’t confidence.
I believe in telling the truth (something I used to have a lot of problems with). If it isn’t allowed to be spoken then you are not speaking to someone you should care about. Telling someone how you feel shouldn’t be interrupted by, “but that is how you choose to feel. I didn’t do that to you.”
Sarah Bareilles nailed the fuck out of it when she said, “You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug…Nothings going to hurt you the way the words do when the settle ‘neath your skin,”