We emit frequencies into the world. The Universe.
It doesn’t hear us, It feels, It learns.
What we are comes rushing back. Forceful, strong, in tune with everything we are and everything we lack.
Your heart is cruel, you receive hurt that keeps you trapped in your cage.
You are kind and poetry will be penciled across your page.
We are a mirror and the Universe can most assuredly hear.
I’ve changed my vibrations over the past year and here I am, swimming in all the things I hold dear.
Home base is the safe place to lay your sweaty childhood hands.
Screaming and running, laughing and weaving, just trying to make it to the safe place to land.
It’s a post, a wall, a tree no one can refute when your pudgy hands land on the strength growing from those old gnarled roots.
This city has always been my home base. Parents, roads, jobs, friends that are family that I can run to and lay my hand on a safe place.
As I pack up all the things I’ve been collecting throughout my years, I smile through the nerves of excited, anxious, happy tears.
Home base has quickly become a man that embodies that tree I used to run to. The side of a fort I wove in and out of bushes to get to. Home base is now one single man and everyone else has fallen to number two.
I’ve never in my 32 years thought home base would be a “you.”
When I run laughing through trees or come crawling, crying, dusting off my scraped knees, it is you that I seek. Home base has taken on the most gentle, strong, and assured face.
2,729 miles is the game we are about to play. Playing tag together across some ten states. A new life together, a new and far off place.
I don’t have any doubts while I hold hands with my home base.
We were all once wild little girls
Laughing with our messy hair and belly rolls
At one point, we didn’t think about how we looked when we sat or that one day we would be considered “too old.”
We get heckled, sometimes loudly, sometimes in whispers and glances that don’t glance off.
Most of us get lost in trying so desperately to always be found.
We forget what it feels like to love as wildly as we once owned being loud.
Somehow, I fell in love, all over again, with me. I needed someone who coaxed out the loud to simply remind me of who I missed being.
Little girls inside your grown and over thinking heads, I see you, leave the silence for when you are cold and dead.
Firey sisters, take back what has always been rightfully yours.
Feral friends, we don’t need to worry about what they think anymore.
As all my future dreams came crashing all around
Told to give up my body to a career that wasn’t meant to be
He tells me I am strong
He tells me to choose right for me
He loves me safely
When the world is turning backwards
And history keeps proving right
When what I’ve always dreamed of turned into an internal fight
He tells me I am strong
He always holds me safely
Never makes my feelings feel wrong
When I decide to let go of a dream I always thought was for me
I’m not pressured into choosing him
Or what I want to be
He always tells me I am strong
Holds me close
Letting go is safe now that I’m where I belong
There is something telling about holding eye contact.
It wasn’t a happenstance glance across the room or the light catching your gaze.
It is specific eyes that are sought.
Something earth shattering in sitting through fluorescent light, dusty haze.
A fleeting look turned to thick cement. Carefully laid.
A kind of power brewing in the static between the locked brown eyed stare.
A glance is a lovely flutter but a holding look? It is everything that is and isn’t there.
There isn’t a way to entirely explain the oxymoron that is this.
How completely consumed by fire I am by everything between us that is.
How calm I can be while my heart races with flames. But somehow, inexplicably, you are peace. I am more than this body, this name.
Your gravity is the orbit I’ve been guided back to.
Celestial stones with the Universe’s synchronized magnitude.
I get myself tangled in the knots of my very own hair.
I don’t know how to get out without you fighting off the snarling beast trying to keep my in its snare.
I didn’t know I had trauma that settled in deep. That I kept me from being able to always be me.
I didn’t know that I kept too much on ice in my head. Or that I did everything to keep it from you that I possible can.
Don’t let the Devil’s Snare pull you in. A little light and it will relinquish the lack of air it brings.
Please see that I’m choking myself and I’m trying to get up off my cowardly knees.
I keep it all in.
Don’t leave me.
Adrift in sleep,
In and out with the rain
I’m covered with a blanket
And gifted with the sound of my own name.
He keeps me
And I am safe.
Almost asleep and I know
He’ll keep the monsters away.
The largest hands slip into mine
And I am safe
Infinitely into rhymes.
A broken record, a repetitious sound, that always present bird every morning letting you know the world is still going ‘round.
I will repeat the verses. I will beat these sentiments deep into the ground.
I didn’t know love before him. I didn’t know safe until he came around.
Sink into vulnerable and melt into ease. When I’m too afraid of tears he simply says, “Natalie, it’s me.”
“Me,” is safety. “Me,” is the soul protected by the body that will always give me warmth. “Me,” is the counterpart that will keep each particle of me free. He is the first safety net I’ve ever felt safe enough to need.
I love when he says, “Natalie, it’s me.”